


Moonsick

by pineappleyogurt (musicforlife101)



Series: Marauders Era Wolfstar Headcanon [3]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Consensual Underage Sex, Cuddling & Snuggling, Fluff, Getting Together, Hand Jobs, Harmful Stereotypes of Lycanthropy, Light Angst, Love Potion/Spell, M/M, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Mild Hurt/Comfort, Mild Smut, Minor Original Character(s), Oblivious James Potter, Possessive Behavior, References To:, Sirius Black & James Potter Friendship, The Prank, Walburga Black's A+ Parenting, Welcoming Potter Family, Werewolf, it's brief
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-22
Updated: 2019-06-22
Packaged: 2020-03-13 08:46:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18937480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/musicforlife101/pseuds/pineappleyogurt
Summary: "Remus had always been a little...tetchy right before the full moon.Sometimes, it was just hard to remind himself that the moon only controlled him one night a month. Not mid-afternoon, two days before the full."Three instances of Remus's moonsickness that led (eventually) to a change in relationship that was, perhaps, no change at all.***Part of my Wolfstar Headcanon series, but can be read as a standalone.





	Moonsick

**Author's Note:**

> Part Two of my Wolfstar Headcanon. This time: Remus is possessive and our boys figure their shit out, mostly.
> 
> I personally LOVE Remus being possessive 'because of the wolf' and also just because. I like both of them being possessive very much, but this is mostly about Remus not wanting to share Sirius. I also LOVE oblivious James, who will feature in this and the next installment and will be lovingly referenced after his canon death by my canon-divergent boys.
> 
> This spans 5th year and the beginning of 6th, is second chronologically, but the first part I wrote of this series. Also my first foray in (mild) smut, which I like reading as much as the next person, but don't generally write. So, let me know what you think of that. It's quite near the end, and not terribly graphic, but if you want to skip it, the scene picks up at the paragraph starting with "Has the potion worn off?" and you can pick back up at the paragraph starting with "He was now extremely glad James and Peter..."

_September 1975_

Remus had always been a little...tetchy right before the full moon. Probably after it too, but he was always too wrung out to feel it beyond his usual discomfort. His mother called it high strung. James sometimes jokingly called it moonsick. Remus never called it aggressive, even when it was. It perpetuated harmful stereotypes of lycanthropy that he did _not_ want to associate with. Sometimes, it was just hard to remind himself that the moon only controlled him one night a month. Not mid-afternoon, two days before the full.

He was in the common room after their last class with James, Sirius, and Peter, sitting on the floor at the foot of Peter’s armchair, nearest the fire. Sirius and James were bickering over prank ideas on a sheet of parchment spread on the coffee table. They had become attuned to his pre-full moodiness years ago, just before they’d figured out how to confront him with their knowledge.

Sirius murmured something and James laughed, shoving his shoulder playfully. Remus forced down a snarl. Merlin, this was going to be a rough full. All the hormones and growth spurts and body changes that came with being fifteen were wreaking havoc on his monthly problem.

Though if he were honest with himself — and he made a point not to be in this case — he’d always been a little tetchier when it came to other people touching Sirius. James didn’t usually spark that instinct because the Wolf recognized him as _family_ and therefore safe. But close to the full, it did sometimes happen.

Of course, James — irrepressible extrovert that he was — had been the one to decide Remus should be their friend at their first welcome feast. But it was Sirius he’d bonded with fastest and most deeply. Whispering between gaps in their bed hangings when they couldn’t sleep, or Sirius crawling into Remus’s bed when either of them had had a nightmare. It was Sirius who held him when he’d started panicking because they knew what he was. The Wolf knew Sirius was _pack_ , probably as much because of his animagus form as their close relationship. Remus tried not to listen to anything else the Wolf had to say on that subject. Especially not when it said it the afternoon of the new moon while they sat around and Sirius bragged about his date to Hogsmeade the previous weekend.

A new tussle started on the sofa. Remus glanced up. James, avoiding Sirius’s pinching fingers, dug his fingers in and gave Sirius’s hair a thorough ruffling. Remus couldn’t contain the snarl this time.

Sirius’s gaze snapped to Remus. He shoved James off without looking and stood from the sofa. He tapped Peter’s knees where they sat beside Remus’s shoulders.

“Shove over, Pete.” Instead, Peter got up and traded places with him. Remus and Sirius had yet to break eye contact. “You okay, Moons?” Remus tried to say yes, but could only get out a whimper. Sirius carded his fingers through Remus’s messy curls. “I know. It’s gonna be a rough full.” Remus nodded, head still turned to look at Sirius. It wasn’t long before Sirius gave up the pretense and sat on the floor with him. He pulled Remus to lean against his side, one hand still combing through his hair.

James and Peter didn’t bother to comment. Not even when it became semi-routine. New details, same dynamic.

By the end of the term, though, they didn’t even check on each other when they could hear sniffles from the other’s bed at night. Sirius knew Remus was right to not want his help. And Remus, who knew he was right to be angry, had to suppress the Wolf clamouring under his skin to go to Sirius, to touch him, to make everything right with his pack.

 

* * *

 

_January 1976_

It was January. It was days before they had to go back to school. It was barely more than a week before the full. And Remus wasn’t expecting mail. But James’s owl was sat on his kitchen table. Reluctantly, Remus opened the letter tied to its leg.

> _Dear Remus,_
> 
> _I know you’re angry and you’ve every right to be. But I also know that not even you could punish him as much as he’s punishing himself._

Remus could feel his heartbeat in his fingertips. He’d known this, of course. Would know Sirius Black in the dark, no matter that they’d been fighting.

> _And I know it’s getting close to the full and you always get more moody about Padfoot than anyone else (sorry, it’s true). And he specifically told me not to “bother” you with this. But I think you need to know._
> 
> _Sirius ran away from his family. My parents have said he can stay as long as he wants, through the end of school, until he has a place of his own. I didn’t get all the details and I don’t want to put them in a letter, but it seems like it was pretty awful, and he’s pretty broken up about leaving Reg._

Oh Merlin, that was bad. Sirius’s family was...well, abusive was a kind word in Remus’s opinion. And Sirius’d tried to keep a lot of the details from James, only revealing them to Remus in the quiet dark of their dorm, or when he was drunk. It was a relief he was away from them, but something terrible must have happened for him to leave Regulus there.

> _I know you’re still on the outs. I understand that. And there’s no pressure from me. But if you want to come see him, send a note back. You can Floo here. We can catch the train back to school together if you bring your stuff. I think it’d do him good to see you, but I haven’t told him I wrote you, so don’t worry if you don’t want to. Take care, Moony._
> 
> _~ James_

Remus sat staring at the letter, absently feeding the owl sausage. What did he have to think over really? He wanted to see Sirius. He was always going to forgive Sirius eventually, once he’d done enough penance. He knew, had known since shortly after the incident itself, that it wasn’t malicious. That it was just Sirius running off his mouth, not thinking before he spoke, not running it through his ‘Moony filter’ because he had no filter of his own. It wasn’t as if he didn’t know he’d fucked up or that he wasn’t all-consumingly sorry. They all knew he was. Remus had actually caught Sirius having nightmares about the incident a handful of times, when he lay awake in the next bed. He was pretty sure he’d let his best friend suffer enough.

Not to mention the Wolf buzzing under his skin like a swarm of angry bees. It needed him to protect his pack. And if it was this bad over a week before the full, how bad would it be in a few days? When he had to see Sirius for the first time in front of all the people on the platform?

Remus scrawled a quick note to James saying he’d be there the next day and go to King’s Cross with them. He tied it to the owl’s leg, handed it a final piece of sausage and watched as it left through the window. It took a bit of explaining when his mam returned that evening to convince her that it would be easier to go to the train with the Potters and that he needed to go. When he explained that his usual pre-full moodiness was likely to be horrific if he couldn’t see Sirius on their own, privately, she relented. She was the only person he’d told that Sirius made the Wolf territorial before the full. Not the only one who knew, but the only one he’d told. He’d also told her they’d had a fight, but not what about.

She’d been smirky and smug in telling him that he’d forgive Sirius and his letters home would be filled with their adventures again.

That night, he packed like a man possessed, throwing anything he'd unpacked haphazardly back into his trunk. The next afternoon, he took his luggage into the sitting room and kissed his mother goodbye. He took a handful of Floo powder, called “Potter Manor” and was gone. He stepped out of the fireplace in the foyer of James’s ancestral home. Euphemia bustled in a few seconds later.

“Oh Remus! James said you were coming this afternoon. I’ll get him, he can take you up to your room.”

“Thank you Mrs. Potter.”

She stepped into the hall. “Jamie!” A moment later, James clambered down the stairs like a herd of erumpents. “Remus is in the foyer, dear. Show him his room.”

James came into the room grinning. “I’m so glad you’re here, Moony!” He wrapped Remus in a one-armed hug and steered him toward the stairs. “I’m gonna put you in the room next to Sirius. Obviously how much you want to see him is up to you, but you’re here, so I assume you’re not going to avoid him.” Merlin, James was an easy read sometimes. He talked his nerves away.

“Next to Sirius is fine. I _need_ to see him, Prongs. Before we go back. Alone.”

James nodded. “Well, he barely leaves his room.” He gestured at the door beside them as they passed. “I’m across the hall. You’re right here.” He opened the door to a large, comfortable guest bedroom.

“Thanks James.”

“Of course. Mum and Dad said you’re always welcome here, on the full or any other time, just so you know. Tea’s not for a few hours, if you want to try and see him.”

“I think I’ll change first.”

James just smiled and nodded. “I’ll come get you for food.” Then he left Remus blissfully alone. Remus closed the door to his bedroom, stripped out of his slightly sooty clothes and cast a quick cleaning charm on them. He pulled on a fresh pair of jeans and a soft, long-sleeved shirt. He steeled himself and padded next door to Sirius’s room. He knocked. Knocked again.

“I told you I’m fine, James,” Sirius said, sounding more tired than annoyed. Remus knocked again. No answer. He tried the handle only to find it locked. A quick Alohomora and he pushed the door open. The room was dark, smelt stale. “James, stop coming in just because.” The voice came from a dark lump on the bed. Remus crossed the room to crouch beside what he was sure was Sirius’s head.

“I know you don’t want to see James, but what about me?”

Sirius startled, half rising from the covers, and staring at Remus. “You’re — why’re you here?” His voice was distant and disbelieving.

“James told me his parents took you in. He offered me a room if I wanted to come.” Remus reached out slowly to brush Sirius’s hair back. When the touch was gentle, Sirius relaxed. “And I had to see you, make sure you were okay. I know you told James not to bother me, but you are not a bother. I can go if you don’t want me here.” Sirius whimpered, though whether from the thought of Remus leaving or the fingers in his hair, it wasn’t clear. “But you know how needy the Wolf gets before the full.”

Sirius nodded. “It doesn’t like anyone else touching me,” he said. “I noticed.” Remus nodded, trying not to blush about it. “It seemed like it still did even after— so I tried not to make it worse.”

Pushing down the lump in his throat over how _him_ that was, Remus said, “Budge up, Pads.” He crawled up on the bed as Sirius made room for him. “I appreciate it, Sirius. I was angry and we’ve still got work to do to rebuild that trust. But the Wolf knows you’re pack and it’s right. You’ve done your penance, probably more than I know, and I forgive you.”

Tears fell from Sirius’s eyes, darkening his lashes, wetting his pillow. “I’m never gonna stop making it up to you.”

Remus wiped the tears with his thumb. “Shh, Pads. You can make it up to me by letting me stay here with you for a while. I’ve needed to touch you for weeks, I need to make sure you’re whole.” Sirius nodded, still crying, and reached out to pull Remus closer. “And come run with me on the full when we get back.” Sirius nodded, trying to curl even closer. He pressed his forehead to Remus’s, closing his eyes, even as a few tears continued to slip out. Remus held him tight.

Sirius’s full trust, in this room, on the full, with the details he would share, was a deeply precious thing. Whatever happened at Grimmauld Place probably made the trust he put in Remus to touch him gently and watch his back even more amazing. Remus slowly pressed his lips to Sirius’s forehead. He felt his best friend shudder and slowly relax. They were still curled bonelessly together in their quiet, safe little pocket when James came to get them for supper.

 

* * *

 

_October 1976_

He wasn’t supposed to see this. It was an odd first though, but none of the ones preceding it had been coherent. All snarls and instinct and _mine_. It was only six fucking hours before moonrise on the second full of the term. Remus was a hormonal, tetchy, moonsick mess of jangly nerves. And some girl was kissing Sirius. Right outside the Great Hall. Remus turned and headed up one of the secret back staircases they’d found while sneaking around. He’d only just rejoined the main staircase when James and Peter caught him up.

“Moony quick! We need your help!” James called. “Padfoot’s been dosed with a love potion.”

“What?” Remused asked, voice sharp and almost feral. He spun on the step, frightening a group of second years who hurried past him.

“He said he wasn’t coming tonight because he was with her,” Peter explained.

“Who? That girl he was snogging downstairs?”

They nodded. “Claire Higgins. Our year, Ravenclaw. I think she must have slipped it in his pumpkin juice,” James said. “It can’t be Amortentia, since he’s not nearly lovesick enough and she’s no potions genius.” He shrugged. “I doubt it’s beyond a fifth year potion, if that.”

Two seconds and Remus had a plan. “You two go get antidotes for every love potion you can think of. I’ll go down and see if I can pry them apart,” he said. Prefect or not, he was always the best planner.

“If anyone can, it’s you Moony,” James said. Remus didn’t mention that he didn’t think he could do anything else at the moment, didn’t say his skin was itching with the need to pull her off him. He suspected James knew that. He also suspected James was somewhat oblivious as to why. He’d always taken Remus and Sirius’s physical and emotional closeness as a simple, boring fact, a foregone conclusion, and mostly laughed off Peter’s slightly homophobic jokes about it.

James and Peter raced down the back stairs, pulling the cloak and the map out of James’s bag. Remus headed back down the main stairs at a brisk, but mostly normal pace.

There, in the entrance hall, just beside the marble staircase, Sirius stood smiling dazedly down at Claire. She looked up at him like she couldn’t believe it. Which was understandable under normal circumstances, but made Remus nervous under these circumstances. Was she in disbelief that her plan worked? Her potion? If the latter, it might be unstable or weak. He kind of hoped it was. He stepped closer.

The Wolf’s instincts felt like they might burst through the too thin barrier of his skin. He reminded himself that he was just tetchy, just moonsick, not aggressive. He shouldn’t grab Sirius by the arm and drag him away, snarling at her. He had to be calm. All while the Wolf snarled and snapped and shouted _mine_ in his chest.

“Hey Sirius,” Remus said. He’d heard, perked up at the sound of his name, but didn’t look away from Claire. “Pads.” Remus reached for him slowly, kept his moves well-controlled. His fingers just touched Sirius’s side and he snapped around to look at Remus.

“Moony!” His hands dropped from Claire’s hips, like he’d forgotten her entirely, to grab Remus’s forearms. Remus curled his hand possessively around Sirius’s hip.

“Claire,” Remus began, “what did you give him?” She wilted.

“Just one of those love potions from Zonko’s. I just wanted him to notice me.”

Remus sighed. “I’m not going to take points off because it wouldn’t be fair for _me_ to do it. But this is unacceptable. Now go.” He used his prefect voice and she hopped to. Remus turned his attention to Sirius. “How’re you feeling Pads?” Sirius leaned toward him and opened his mouth to answer.

James and Peter banged out of the Dungeon stairwell, throwing off the cloak. “We’ve got antidotes. Every one ol’ Sluggy had that might help,” James said.

“Just common antidote, it’s a Zonko’s potion. It might already be wearing off unless she dumped the whole damn bottle in his goblet,” Remus said. James uncorked a vial and handed it over. “Padfoot, I need you to drink this.” Sirius did as told, eyes clearing seconds later. “James, Peter,” Remus said, voice low and fingers digging into Sirius’s hip. “You should go put all that back. And then maybe go to the library. I think it’ll just be me and Pads for the full tonight.” He looked at them briefly. “No offense, but I don’t want to hurt either of you. And I feel like the Wolf might.”

James nodded. “Okay, we’ll see you in the morning.” They tossed the cloak back on before heading down the Dungeon stairs.

“Back stairs,” Remus growled. “I don’t want any of them _touching_ you.”

“Fuck,” Sirius groaned, heat pooling low in his belly.

It took significantly less time than usual to reach the tower with Remus hurrying them along. He tugged Sirius up the stairs to their dormitory and locked the door behind them. He backed Sirius into the post of his bed, pinning him with a heavy gaze.

“Has the potion worn off?” Sirius nodded, eyes clear and bright and never leaving Remus’s face. “Tell me now if you don’t want this.”

“Fuck Moony, I want you so bad.” Sirius held onto his hips, grinding slowly against Remus. “Please.”

He watched Remus’s eyes dilate. “Mine,” Remus ground out. He kissed Sirius hard, swallowing the moan that escaped at his response, pressing him into the bedpost. He wanted to lick and kiss and bite and mark Sirius all over. So everyone would know he was taken. “She can’t touch you. No one can touch you.” Remus kissed and licked and sucked his way down Sirius’s neck. Just above the collar, he latched on, sucking a bruise into his skin.

Sirius moaned. “Fuck.” He bucked against Remus’s thigh. “I’m yours Moons. Always — always yours — always was,” he said, words punctuated by his gasping breaths. Remus sucked harder. Sirius didn’t seem to mind by the way he was grinding against Remus’s thigh. Remus popped open the top two buttons on Sirius’s shirt and set to work on another bruise while he got Sirius’s trousers undone. Sirius moaned in relief, then pleasure as Remus finally got a hand around his cock. Remus stroked him tight and slow, agonizingly so.

“I need you to tell me,” Remus said, voice cracking. “No one else, ever again.” Remus kissed his lips, bit them gently. “Tell me, now.”

Sirius choked out a moan. “Oh fuck, Moony. No one else, never ever ever again. Just you. Was always just you.” He was babbling, moaning as Remus sped up. Remus kissed him again, sharing air as he brought Sirius off. “Moony, ‘m gonna—” He came with a bitten off gasp of “Moony”, splattering both of their shirts.

“Fuck Pads, I don’t think I’m gonna last,” Remus groan against Sirius’s mouth. He got his trousers undone, with minimally coordinated help from Sirius. “Please touch me, I need—” Sirius started to stroke him, wanting so badly to drop to his knees and just take Remus in his mouth, but he knew Remus needed to be pressed against him right now.

“Come on, Moons. I’m only yours, just yours. Come for me, babe.” Remus groaned, bucking into his hand.

“Say it again,” he said against Sirius’s mouth.

“Come for me, babe, I'm yours,” Sirius breathed.

And Remus did.

He added to the mess on their shirts with a poorly stifled cry of “Sirius.” Sirius kissed him gently as he came down, petting his side.

He was now extremely glad James and Peter weren’t joining them. Not because they’d get to shag again tonight, though they might, but because in this mood Moony might eat Wormtail and break Prongs for looking at Padfoot the wrong way, let alone touching him. Which was fine with Sirius. He’d rather spend the full playing and wrestling and scenting Moony until morning.

After they’d cleaned up a bit, Sirius and Remus stretched out on the latter’s bed, trying to savour the last little bit of calm before they had to head down to the Shack. Remus carded his fingers softly through Sirius’s hair, and Sirius drew soft, slow, nonsense patterns on Remus’s chest. They’d closed the curtains around the bed on the off chance one of the others came back before they left. So the world felt small and close and warm and they were alone in it.

“Just in case it wasn’t completely obvious, I really fucking like you and hate when you go out with other people,” Remus said.

“I had noticed actually. I’ve kind of stopped going out with other people, in case _you_ hadn’t noticed.” Remus hummed something vaguely affirmative. “I really, really like you, too. Like, might be in love with you, like you.”

Remus pressed his lips to Sirius’s hairline. “Might be?” Sirius felt the lips on his forehead curve into a smile.

“Am. Definitely am. So fucking in love with you I couldn’t stand going out with other people and I couldn’t stand how much it bothered you when I did.”

“Me too,” Remus breathed against his skin. “I always have been, I think.” They fell silent for a while, breathing into each other’s space, legs tangled up. They touched in the most casually intimate of ways, like they had a thousand times before, but now that intimacy had been named. “I’m sorry I was so...a-aggressive? Possessive, maybe? I just—”

Sirius hushed him. “Don’t be sorry, Moony. I liked it.” He dropped a kiss on Remus’s collar. “It’s not like you don’t let me talk to people or whatever. You’re not controlling. But I like knowing we belong to each other. Feels good.” He shifted closer.

“It does. Promise you’ll tell me if it’s ever too much.”

“I promise, but you have to tell me if I’m doing something you don’t like, too. No more Moony bottling things up and keeping secrets. At least not from me.”

“Promise,” Remus said, sealing it with a kiss.

The next day, James and Peter didn’t see Remus or Sirius until they dropped by the dorm before dinner. Remus was drowsily curled up on his bed with his arms wrapped snugly around Sirius’s waist. Sirius sat up, much more awake and less in pain, working on homework and talking quietly to Moony, in sweats and a t-shirt.

“Oh geez, Pads! Claire really went for it, huh?” James asked.

“What?” Sirius asked mildly. His fingers slid into Remus’s hair when the arms around his waist tightened at the mention of Claire.

“Just, you have a, uh, a pretty good hickey on your neck. I guess Claire really, um, well —” James waved his arm generally and no one called him on it.

“I guess so,” Sirius said. He looked down at Remus, who shrugged minutely. Apparently neither of their friends had figured it out, or guessed that they might like each other.

“So, how was the full?”

“Rough,” Remus croaked. He buried his face in Sirius’s side after that.

“Yeah, it’s good you two didn’t come. I had a rough time getting him calm even without anyone around to compete for my attention.” He continued carding his fingers through Remus’s hair. “I think it was kind of a painful transformation anyway. Moons?”

“Sore,” he muttered.

“No injuries though. We played around in the shack a bit once I got him calm. Just a few bruises, beyond the usual pain.”

James sighed in relief, dropping onto his bed. “Good, I’m glad. I was kind of worried, but I knew we’d make it worse being there.”

“Yeah, it’s good we stayed,” Peter echoed.

Sirius nodded. “I think I’m gonna stay up here.” He smiled teasingly down at Remus. “Not that I have a choice.” Remus huffed a short laugh into his hip. “Can you lot bring us some dinner?” James and Peter nodded emphatically. A short while later, they left for dinner with renewed promises to bring back plates of food. Sirius looked down at Remus. “I don’t know why I’m surprised. James is oblivious at the best of times.”

“It’s ‘cause you hang all over me anyway,” Remus said, shifting closer to get more comfortable. “And I’ve always hated other people touching you. We've just always been like this.”

“So, you’re saying our friends can’t figure out something’s changed between us because we’ve felt like this so long that we literally don’t know how else to be?”

“That is basically my conclusion, yes.”

“I feel like that’s gonna be a problem when we want to tell them, but I don’t feel like complaining about it tonight.” Remus nodded against his hip. “Do you need another potion, Rem?”

“No, just you.”

Sirius chuckled. “You always have me.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Hope to see you in the next installment and in my upcoming canon-divergent multi-chapter fics!


End file.
